Friends Errands

It hurts more when you learn your friend has been stabbing you from the back for a very long time.

In the end you always return to your family whom you never gave any value over friends. The whole idea of trusting someone seems vague in this scene, but we are all humans and humans do shitty things. To forgive and move on takes very less time compared to keeping the grudge within. 

Everyone wants to be right the whole time! After all who wants to be wrong anyway.

Someday I just hope that love will conquer all, just like it changed me. I have been in love many times, but none whatsoever like this. It changes you so much that even after the rollercoaster rides of ups and downs you still want to be with him. The obstacles seem not worthy of breaking you anymore as long as you two have each other.

I have faith and your love to keep me from falling apart!

Trust Issues

Learning to trust is no easy task. 

You are constantly being bugged by the creatures inside your head telling something is fishy here.

Maybe its not, I just have to trust again, but the fear of shattered dreams and hopes is holding me back.

The fear of being right always has started to eat my rotten soul out. I wish I was wrong for once in my life, but my brain is always alert for the coming danger.

If I could end all of it with a stroke of blade, a small slit... who is going to notice anyway

Oz to Kiwi

So thats it, two years as Aussie is off from tonight. Tomorrow I shall be a Kiwi. Different land yet people would close ones. I am happy though right now sitting in king george square. I am pretty sure life will be happy from now on. Past struggles and pain would be forgotten for a new beginning where everything will be allright. I cant express the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now. You will be fine girl, says me from the other aide! 

Addiction

I thought this will be the last smoke,

The last puff.

But I was so wrong!

It was just the beggining of an addiction

That will sink me down with it. 

Screwed life

I have fucked up my life in more ways that I can keep track of! I aways wonder why me? Why my life is so fucked up aways or stay fucked! I should be labelled as the ultimatum of "fucked". 

All these shit happens when you give priorities to other people in your life rather than focusing on yourself. Trusted ones screw you forever until you make a stand to stay out of this. Its always your own stupid actions that makes things worse. 

I was always afraid of getting my heart broken. Been in a dilemma forever what will I do after that. But now I realise 

Fuck this

Fuck it all

And most importantly

Fuck off

Good things

For good things to happen sometimes you have to make ways. And letting go is such a small thing. 

Bomshells

Just when I thought everything will fall into place another bombshell upon my head. Funny thing is that I can never ever disclose whats wrong to anyone. Should I be pretending whole my life? Lots of questions popping up right in my head that I make up answers for. I can write any crap here noone will bring this out as something meaningful indeed. Breaking trust is more like killing yourself when your most precious one does that to you. 

End of the day I have started to believe that maybe I deserve this punishment for what so ever happened in the past. But compromising my life isnt the only answer I am looking for. 

Have you ever felt awkward looking at someone knowing what they did to you and pretend you are perfectly happy. Welcome to my Life! 

It aint Easy

Holding yourself in one piece is not easy sometimes, you lose control of yourself trying to please others. There are some days when you start thinking whats the whole purpose of this. The moment you start compromising your life you lost the battle. 

Being in a relationship is fun and you are happy all the time, but when it comes to lifelong commitment everyone is as freaked out as I am right now. I am at that point in my life where you are not sure about anything that has been happening around.

I still have to figure out how do you keep two unique individuals happy and bound together. This curve of life is too steep for me to handle and Ive been scared about this part my whole life. I strongly believe "being happy" is not an individuals own decision. You become happy when you try to keep people around you happy, be it as a couple or family. There are no dummies guide to explore the complexities of human life. Co-existing happily and tolerating each other without losing your own identity requires patience.

Learning to trust is no easy task. You are constantly being bugged by the creatures inside your head telling something is fishy here. Maybe its not, I just have to trust again, but the fear of shattered dreams and hopes is holding me back from doing so.