Bomshells

Just when I thought everything will fall into place another bombshell upon my head. Funny thing is that I can never ever disclose whats wrong to anyone. Should I be pretending whole my life? Lots of questions popping up right in my head that I make up answers for. I can write any crap here noone will bring this out as something meaningful indeed. Breaking trust is more like killing yourself when your most precious one does that to you. 

End of the day I have started to believe that maybe I deserve this punishment for what so ever happened in the past. But compromising my life isnt the only answer I am looking for. 

Have you ever felt awkward looking at someone knowing what they did to you and pretend you are perfectly happy. Welcome to my Life! 

It aint Easy

Holding yourself in one piece is not easy sometimes, you lose control of yourself trying to please others. There are some days when you start thinking whats the whole purpose of this. The moment you start compromising your life you lost the battle. 

Being in a relationship is fun and you are happy all the time, but when it comes to lifelong commitment everyone is as freaked out as I am right now. I am at that point in my life where you are not sure about anything that has been happening around.

I still have to figure out how do you keep two unique individuals happy and bound together. This curve of life is too steep for me to handle and Ive been scared about this part my whole life. I strongly believe "being happy" is not an individuals own decision. You become happy when you try to keep people around you happy, be it as a couple or family. There are no dummies guide to explore the complexities of human life. Co-existing happily and tolerating each other without losing your own identity requires patience.

Learning to trust is no easy task. You are constantly being bugged by the creatures inside your head telling something is fishy here. Maybe its not, I just have to trust again, but the fear of shattered dreams and hopes is holding me back from doing so.